This is a shorter blog than the previous two. But How to Talk to Anyone by Leil Lowndes is a book I personally believe that everyone should read no matter what your profession is.
Considering we are such relational beings, this book - if put into practice - will benefit you in your career, relationships and life in general.
To be honest, nothing was significantly profound in this book. But don’t make that stop you from reading on. Because I’m about to share some nuggets of gold I’ve taken from this book to apply anywhere in my life. I would personally give this book 3.5 stars. Main reason being, from memory, there was an area where Lowndes referred to the Bible for an analogy, and I don’t believe it was quite accurate (which lost a bit of credibility for me). Plus there were 92 tricks on how to talk to people… I just couldn’t possibly soak in every trick in the book and apply it.
So here’s my two cents. If Lownde just put half the amount of tricks in the book with better analogies, it may have been more effective. But who am I to say anything? It’s the number 1 top seller in its category!
Just a heads up - this blog is going to be a bit different. I’m going to just lay out a few points and takeaways I got from this book. Hopefully it can help you to apply something immediately and it may encourage you to give this book a go:
- Fine tuning your beautiful smile is one of the biggest impacts you can make when meeting people for the first time. Lowndes goes on to say that if we slow down our smile just a little bit, it creates more credibility. ☺️
- Did you know having a longer eye contact can make you look more intelligent? FYI - Lowndes does mention that men should have less of a sticky eye than women. It can make you look like a creep (my words, not hers). 👀
- Another technique, which author Leil Lowndes calls “Epoxy Eyes,” is to focus on an individual’s reaction in a group setting. Instead of watching the speaker, you fix your gaze on your target to gauge their response or show special interest. Chapter 3 provides strategies on how to use this method effectively. 😍
- According to a study done in Adelphi University, if you act as if you liked an individual, you end up genuinely liking them. 👍🏻
- Fidgeting, such as wiping your nose, scratching, shaking your legs (guilty!), sabotages your credibility. So apparently when you meet someone with such high calibre, you will notice that they’ll suffer through all the itchiness and the discomfort to avoid fidgeting, which gives them a different demeanour. 🫨
- Having horse sense is really important - while speaking, picking up how the listener is reacting to what you’re saying. Personally, my multi-tasking skills don’t allow me to take this onboard… What a great skill to have. Luckily, my wife is good at this. 🐴
- Parroting - repeating the last sentence or words of the subject, which puts the ball back into their court to elaborate on the topic. 🦜
- When you’re at an event, pass the mic (metaphorically) over to the person who has a great story, and ask them to tell the story again to a group of people. The teller will appreciate it, as it boosts their ego, the group will enjoy a great story and you will be appreciated. 🎤
- Talk about the positive things in your life when meeting people for the first time. This may sound obvious, but I know so many people who overshare on what’s on their mind and can come across very negative. Believe it or not, it’s not as obvious as you think. 🗣️
- Do the thinking for the subject by using the word “YOU” - instead of saying “can I get some help?”, you’ll get a better response when saying “can YOU help me”. Don’t let them think about whether they should help you or not. By being more assertive with “YOU”, it will be more irresistible for them. 🫵🏻
- If someone persistently questions you with an unsolicited topic, respond with your first response repeatedly with the same tone. Lowndes describes it as a “broken record”. When you use this method, they’ll remove themselves from the situation. 📻
So what’s my take on it? Does it work?
Absolutely. If you’re in sales or in any customer facing role, you MUST read it. It will take you to another level of how you communicate with your customers/clients. It has definitely helped me in my role at work, and I am still trying to improve the way that I communicate with everyone.
Even beyond sales, I believe this is a great resource to have on hand.
If you’re an awkward person or bad at starting conversations with new people like myself, it’s definitely worth trying to apply the above and experiment on how your conversations with people change overtime. You’ll realise you start to extract verbal gold, information from people that was inaccessible prior to implementing these skills.
In saying that, people will only share valuable information with you if you are trustworthy, so don’t lose credibility by spilling the beans from what you have extracted.
Share this with someone who needs to read this!
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